The Adventures of Coolie Coolstein: Episode 35
Magic. It is the coin of the realm in Coolieville. You didn’t know that? Sorry. Forgot to mention it.
But we’re talking about a very specific kind of magic. The kind that is perceived by two-year-olds when they observe the regular world of daily life. Oooo Eeee! Look at the magical wooden thing with a knob on it! It opens and closes! Like that.
Most everything, for Coolie and his friends (not Brownstein – she’s the sophisticate in the bunch, as we know), is tinged with the wonder of the truly clueless.
So, one day after checking back into the boring end of the known universe – aka: coming home, someone (some will say it was Mickey, but I think it might have been Blue) accidentally dropped a Ritz cracker in the toilet bowl. Why, you ask, would anyone in their right mind be eating Ritz Crackers – or any other cracker – in in the bathroom? Focus for a moment on the phrase “in their right mind” and you will withdraw your question.
So, as I was saying, the cracker hit the water with a little ‘plink,’ which caught the attention of Blue who called out “everyone come here!” Because, after a couple of seconds, the cracker began to expand.
“It’s magic! Look!” and she started to chant: “Cracker grow big, grow big, grow big.” Now Coolie joined in, then Mickey. Brownstein just rolled her eyes – affectionately, of course.
But the big magic was (I know this will be a surprise to you all) was not happening in the toilet.
Yani Youshouldonly, Mothership’s emissary, had spent the first infinite few moments of residence in C’s Shop flitting from one state of being to another: gaseous, liquid, solid and something we don’t have a name for that was pixelated but not visible. And therefore Cool and friends had picked themselves up and forgotten all about the emissary.
Magic-shmagic, Yani said, when he came back around to the sensory plane and witnessed the hubbub and extreme cracker fervor. You want an inexplicable extravaganza? I’ll give you an inexplicable extravaganza.
The toilet cracker took on a new density and vibrated into an end-of-spectrum rainbow, as it rose first slowly, then faster than the eye could follow, upward. It paused before apparently causing the ceiling to disappear, and continued its ascent, taking with it all who watched.
So now the gang was flying high, rapidly clearing the stratosphere, making their way – led by the inter-cosmic cracker – to a new universe. Naturally. What would you expect?
YY – he (we’ll use that pronoun just for convenience) liked to be called that – was just fooling around. Being at Mothership’s beck and call had a lot of down time. She seldom if ever beck’d, and even more infrequently called. So he wanted to make the most of this outing.
If you are having trouble following all this, know that I am as well. Isn’t that reassuring?
When the ride was over, and the cracker evanesced and exploded simultaneously into what ultimately would become new suns or sons, Coolstein tossed back his hair (which is not easy to do in zero gravity and zero atmosphere) and, with a tone so cool it made Miles jealous – even from beyond the gave – said, “YY, you rock. Take us to the next place.”
Brownstein, ever the philosopher, said, “There is no place else to go but the next place.”
Then it was zap and tingle, whoosh and everlasting silence. But before no time had passed they were in what they quickly figured out (okay, smart Mickey was the one who got it first) was a replica of Earth but with a few nice twists. I’m sure Star Trek fans will be nodding their heads with wise anticipation. But they would be a little off the plane of this existence.
To be continued…