The Adventures of Coolie Coolstein: Episode 89
Has Coolie entered the rarified realm of philosophy? Is he thinking about Jean-Paul Sartre? Is he reading???
Not exactly. It was day two of his Mission to find Robocop and – as we noted – his search was “sponsored” by his two real (non-human) parents: Mothership and DaddythebigDaddywhoseyourDaddy. They kvelled a little to see their boy on such a serious quest. They were huge Robocop fans and supporters. Little known fact: it was Mothership who whispered in the ears of Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner: write a story about a cyborg law enforcer; engage the themes of authoritarianism, greed, identity and corruption. You’ll make a bundle. As we have seen before, she has often been a prime mover (if you were to ask her, she’d be sooo modest and say it was all Daddy’s doing).
So, there was Coolie encountering The Land of Non-Reality, and coming face to face with something like the void (but far less impressive.) He stopped, wondering what to do next. Stepping into Non-Reality seemed pretty daunting and Coolie was daunting-avoidant by nature.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch – or more precisely, back at the beach – Shtew was watching. (Don’t ask. You wouldn’t understand. Trust me, Shtew is always watching.) He really liked young Coolstein and wanted to ease his dismay and confusion. So he did something very rare (for him). He left the beach, stopping only briefly to wash the sand from his feet, and apparated by Coolie’s side – at the edge of the Cliff of Consciousness (don’t we like the alliteration?)
Hey, Shtewie Shtewstein! You’re here. (Coolie, as we know, is a master of the obvious. Don’t knock it. It’s not as common a skillset as you might think.)
I’m here without a beer and about to stand on my ear, said Shtew. This added just that one extra level of confusion to Coolie’s already overloaded brain. It succeeded – as intended – in blowing that not-altogether-intact-in-the-first-place mind.
Coolie eyes goggled (always a significant indicator). He immediately jumped up, spun around, did not pick a bale of cotton, and landed on his butt, legs splayed and jaw hanging onto his chest.
Whuuuuu? He managed to say. (It’s not so easy with your jaw on your chest. Try it.)
Whilst standing (if you can call it that) on his ear, Shtewie was hard pressed to understand Coolie. Not that it mattered much. He responded out of an abundance of mania and in reaction to having been goosed by universal love (that would be Mothership, again): You are that you are, when you are (and are not), if you are what you are. Ya feel me?
Uhhhhh, I don’t know… Coolie managed to utter.
That’s exactly right. You got it! Shtew always saw the bigger picture.
Trusting Shtew’s veracitude, Coolie felt all anxiety leave his body. He was, once again, cool. And who could ever ask for more than that?
Well, yes. One could ask for just one more thing…
And there, beyond the non-void and over Shtew’s left shoulder – at about twenty paces – was the unmistakable presence. Robocop loomed and quickly began to cover the distance. Coolie, with the grace he was born to, fainted dead away.
After several hours (or was it years), Coolie came to. And there, bending awkwardly over him with one metallic hand on Coolie’s arm, was Robocop himself.
Coolie’s grin was heard far and wide.
My new science fiction novel, RAYMÒN AND SUNSHINE, is available on amazon.com. It’s about the relationship between an autistic man and a female android three hundred years in the future. Here’s the link:
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