The Adventures of Coolie Coolstein: Episode 90
It’s been a month and not a hey or a hiya or even a snort. Where has that boy been? Should I worry? Should you? Wait a minute, I hear something. Can it be…?
Hey Karen, what’s shakin’, anything bakin’? That makes me think I would LOVE some bacon. Got any bacon, oh Creator?
Just hold the phone for a sec, Coolie J. Coolstein. You have had us all worried. Well…maybe not worried, just wondering whether we should worry. And that counts too. Where have you been, my bright-eyed boy. And…may I say…your eyes do look especially bright. If memory serves (and you know it doesn’t always), last time I saw you, you were all about Robocop; you had an encounter with Shtew. But that’s all I know.
Oh, Karen, the stories I could tell…
Oh, okay. Here goes…but, first, could I just have a few pieces of bacon?
Sure, sure. Eat up and then tell us what’s been doing down, or up, or on, or….we’re all ears.
Uh oh! Is that my fault? Did I fail to protect my Creator and friends from the Ear Monster? Should I go on an immediate quest to find the antidote?
Whoa! Slow down. Figure of speech. We have not become ears on the hoof, we’re all okay. Just dying of curiousity.
Oh no! Not dying. Help! Someone help! Don’t let them die!
Coolie. You have to calm down. No one is dying. It’s just another turn of phrase. (I really must remember how literal the boy can be. I don’t want to keep dislodging him and sending him into panic). We are all very interested in hearing the tale of “What Happened to Coolie in August;” I am sure we will all be fascinated, so please share.
Sure thing, KK and company:
There I was hanging with Robee (that’s the way he likes to spell it). He’s not much of a talker, but somehow I always knew what he wanted to convey. With a certain clinkety-clink of his metallic hands, he invited me to his special world. Yes, Roboworld. It’s not just a myth – it’s real!
On the highest mountain in the eighth continent (you thought there were six or seven, right – nuh-uh), one whose peak is actually only a quarter mile from the moon, there is a land of robots. They are not the well-behaved artificials that we might expect. No. They are a most unruly bunch and require much policing. Ergo: Robocops. (Doncha just love the “ergo?” I am getting smarter every day!) By the way, in case you are wondering (NOT dying to know, please!) – that continent is called “Maurice.” Some call it the gangster of love. Some speak of the pompatus of love. Let’s just stick with Maurice. It’s so much easier to remember. And besides, it looks like a “Maurice,” if you know what I mean.
Ummm. Coolie. I don’t actually know what you mean. But that’s really okay – so, please continue.
(The cool one paused, unsure about whether he needed to explain. He shrugged the big “whatever” shrug, and continued.)
The Robots were – at first – pretty much in awe of me. They kinda thought I was a god. I didn’t like that much. I’m not big on having to rule or issue edicts or be the font of wisdom. I like to keep things low key, doncha know. So I gave them a few, “I don’t knows,” followed by my most quizzical look (another great word, right?). Before long, they started to treat me just like a regular person. Which is to say, they ignored me. Well, I didn’t like that so much. It reminded me too much of Sylvie and Morris.
What I did next led to a very unexpected but seriously cool thing. I took out the pack of gum (it’s Black Jack) that I always carry – cause I just love licorice, and the flavor lasts a really long time. All the Robee’s and Robeetta’s (yes, there are two genders. I explain later – if I remember) stopped, frozen mid-clink. They watched. Their titanium jaws dropped (which made quite a din – I had to stick some gum in my ears). Their beaming, far-visioned robot eyes shone with fascination. Fortunately, I had my sunglasses with me – cause the light was blinding. I removed the wrapper and began to chew.
Well, this – apparently – was the coolest thing they ever saw; they broke into the Robot Happy Dance – which is known to cause earthquakes, but is the funnest dance I every saw. They are able to jump up, turn their bodies perpendicular to the ground and clink their heels, then round the circle and land (with a heck of a crash) right back in the spot they started. The girl robots – who are distinguished by their two different colored eyes – one lavender, one pale orange, as compared to the boys who have two yellow eyes – did an extra flip when they landed – backwards, with their feet crossed. Very pretty.
This went on for – well I think it was two weeks. After the first 15 minutes, I was transported to yet one more alternate state of being. And that’s a good thing. Cause it was there that the best stuff happened.
What happened, Coolie? We really want to know.
Let me think. Give me a minute. I’m gonna take a power nap and then we’ll talk some more.
You know…there’s not much anyone can do. When Coolie needs a nap, a nap he shall have.
My new science fiction novel, RAYMÒN AND SUNSHINE, is available on amazon.com. It’s about the relationship between an autistic man and a female android three hundred years in the future, when what was once seen as a disability is merely a difference. Here’s the link:
You can find more information about me and my books at www.karenkrettauthor.com/